Wall of Shame

1. „It can't have been that bad if you went on to have two children.“
2. „Why didn't you just move out when you turned 18?“
3. „Surely it has to be enough at some point.“
4. „That was such a long time ago.“
5. „Why didn't you say anything back then?“
6. „Why didn't you go to the police?“
7. „If that had really happened, you would have reported it.“
8. „Why did you stay silent for so long?“
9. „Why are you only remembering this now?“
10. „If you can't remember everything, how can you know it happened?“
11. „You remember the details remarkably well, though.“
12. „Your memory has a lot of gaps.“
13. „Your memory is unusually detailed.“
14. „You don't seem traumatised at all.“
15. „You seem very composed.“
16. „You can talk about it quite calmly.“
17. „You didn't cry during your statement.“
18. „You cried a lot during your statement.“
19. „You seem very emotional.“
20. „You seem strikingly unemotional.“
21. „You're even laughing.“
22. „You don't look like someone who went through something like that.“
23. „You still function pretty well in everyday life, though.“
24. „But you can work.“
25. „But you can go shopping.“
26. „You even go on holiday.“
27. „But you have friends.“
28. „But you're in a relationship.“
29. „You got married – so your relationship problems can't be that bad.“
30. „You had children – so your sexuality can't be that impaired.“
31. „Other people go through bad things too.“
32. „Everyone has their cross to bear.“
33. „You can also work yourself up about something.“
34. „Maybe you just think about it too much.“
35. „Maybe you should try to look ahead.“
36. „At some point you have to learn to let go.“
37. „Forgiving might be a first step.“
38. „You should try to make peace with your past.“
39. „You can't blame the past for everything.“
40. „At some point you have to take responsibility yourself.“
41. „You're an adult now.“
42. „You could have defended yourself.“
43. „Why didn't you scream?“
44. „Why didn't you run away?“
45. „Why didn't you break off contact?“
46. „Why did you keep going back there?“
47. „Why did you keep talking to that person?“
48. „Why did you still write to that person later?“
49. „Why did you still meet up with him?“
50. „If you were so afraid, why did you go back voluntarily?“
51. „You could have got help.“
52. „There were teachers, after all.“
53. „There were neighbours, after all.“
54. „You could have confided in someone.“
55. „Your mother should have noticed something.“
56. „Surely someone should have noticed.“
57. „Why did nobody notice anything?“
58. „Maybe you perceived the situation differently as a child.“
59. „Children sometimes misinterpret things.“
60. „Maybe it wasn't meant that way.“
61. „Maybe it was just an unfortunate situation.“
62. „Could it be that you are reading something into it today?“
63. „Are you sure your therapist didn't talk you into this?“
64. „You spend a lot of time on this topic in therapy. That can change memories.“
65. „You talked about it with other survivors – that could have influenced your memory.“
66. „You have read a lot about trauma.“
67. „You know the diagnoses suspiciously well.“
68. „You use a lot of technical terms.“
69. „You seem well prepared.“
70. „Your statement seems rehearsed.“
71. „Your statement is very structured.“
72. „Your statement is not very structured.“
73. „You jump around a lot between the events.“
74. „You don't tell it in chronological order.“
75. „You can't give exact dates.“
76. „You can give remarkably exact dates.“
77. „Considering how long ago it was, you still know quite a lot.“
78. „Considering how drastic it supposedly was, you know remarkably little.“
79. „There is no objective evidence.“
80. „It's your word against theirs.“
81. „We cannot rule out that you are mistaken.“
82. „It is no longer possible to establish what actually happened back then.“
83. „The diagnosis does not prove what caused the illness.“
84. „A trauma-related disorder can have many causes.“
85. „Maybe your symptoms come from your personality.“
86. „You already had mental health problems before.“
87. „You already had problems before.“
88. „Your family history is difficult overall.“
89. „There are several possible causes.“
90. „Your current condition cannot be clearly attributed to this event.“
91. „You have experienced other stresses as well.“
92. „Maybe it's because of your relationship.“
93. „Maybe it's because of your unemployment.“
94. „Maybe it's because of your financial problems.“
95. „Maybe it's because of your current life situation.“
96. „The fact that your therapist believes you is no proof.“
97. „Therapists are biased, after all.“
98. „Your doctors only know your account.“
99. „Of course you tell the doctors your version.“
100. „The fact that several practitioners make the same diagnosis does not mean the event took place.“
101. „Why do you want compensation now, after so many years?“
102. „Why is the money so important to you?“
103. „There is an impression of a wish to be provided for.“
104. „A secondary gain from illness cannot be ruled out.“
105. „Maybe you just don't want to work.“
106. „After all, you benefit from your illness too.“
107. „But you already receive support.“
108. „What more do you expect from the state?“
109. „Other people don't get compensation either.“
110. „You have to understand that we must check very carefully.“
111. „The procedure is simply stressful.“
112. „If you start a procedure, you have to expect to talk about it.“
113. „After all, you started the procedure yourself.“
114. „Then just withdraw the application.“
115. „If the assessment is too stressful for you, you don't have to do it.“
116. „Without your cooperation we simply can't help you.“
117. „Then unfortunately we cannot process the application.“
118. „You just have to get through this now.“
119. „An assessment isn't pleasant for anyone.“
120. „Those are simply the legal requirements.“
121. „We treat all applicants the same.“
122. „There is no reason for special treatment.“
123. „You can't expect the whole procedure to revolve around you.“
124. „You seem very demanding.“
125. „You make a lot of demands.“
126. „You are unusually preoccupied with your procedure.“
127. „You write a lot of letters.“
128. „You seem very combative.“
129. „You seem distrustful of the authorities.“
130. „You seem to have a problem with authority.“
131. „Your criticism of the procedure may be part of your mental health problems.“
132. „The fact that you are upset about the assessment actually confirms the diagnosis.“
133. „You also have to be able to accept it when a decision goes against you.“
134. „You can't keep fighting forever.“
135. „Maybe it would be better to let the matter rest.“
136. „I do understand that this is hard for you, but …“
137. „We don't want to accuse anyone of anything here, but …“
138. „I'm only asking questions.“
139. „Please just answer my question.“
140. „That is not relevant for the legal assessment.“
141. „That's not what this is about today.“
142. „Your feelings play no role in this question.“
143. „We have to distinguish between your experience and the facts.“
144. „Please try to stay objective.“
145. „You need to pull yourself together a bit now.“

It is not the survivors who should have to be ashamed of these statements!